When you are looking for a fresh start, it is sometimes important to run a retrospective session. One thing I feel like I improved significantly in the last couple years in comparison to me 4+ years ago is knowing what I finally want and asking for it. I learned that without this information, a person loses way too much, so many doors are not opened because others do not know what your wants/needs are and also you are missing out on immediate rewards, because even if most times it would be “No”, sometimes it is “Yes”.
Why? Why was I so afraid to ask for what I wanted?
Well, I was selling myself short. This is something that I still have trouble with and I see this is a way long-term progress, where I hope I can reach a time where I will stop underselling myself. So I always thought that my wants/needs are not important that I should just get what I am taken.
I learned with time, and later connections that so many times, I would have gotten positive answers or encouragements, or offers or advice for things I was so afraid to ask for. People who cared for me, but never knew that I had those aspirations in me, because I never voiced them.
The amount of time I had a “No” that turned in “Yes” in some timeframe afterwards is actually quite astonishing and I do wonder if that is normal and expected. I’ve had multiple important life-defining moments that became a reality, because what I wanted was rejected initially, but the person knew what I wanted and when the time and opportunity arose, I got the chances I wanted. Some I grabbed and ran with, some came too late and I had realized it is not what I needed at that point of time. But things like that do have some ripples in time.
How?
Initial step is somehow define what you want. Can’t help with this as every person is too unique. You just have to decide what you want right now or in future for yourself. First step is knowing.
Second step – try and practice in safer environments. You can have a close friend run some scenarios with you, where you can practice asking for things and then later on gradually move towards harder scenarios with people who are not as positively inclined towards you.
And finally, don’t lose hope. You will be told “No” many times. Try to balance your feelings towards expectation of “Yes” but also be ready for the “No”. Try to go in the conversation/email/meeting with positive confidence, do not let the fear or rejection derail your thoughts and if it doesn’t happen, try to look at it as a learning experience. This is by far the hardest part of the article.
To recap – Speak Up. Let the people know how they can help you. Let the destiny know how to help you. The results, might surprise you.